Cerebrate Good Times

As part of a line of thought I’ve been entertaining lately, I have a request. I want to put together a list of the greatest advancements in technology (or anything that has really improved the quality of life for humanity as a whole) in the last 50 years or so.

Why is it that little kids always kick their covers off during the night? I have no idea, but this morning as I was putting the blankets back on Sam I had an idea for a game. Finish this phrase: “Keeping covers on a sleeping kids is like __________.” For example: “Keeping covers on a sleeping kid is like keeping the raccoons out of the trash.” I know you can do better than that.

Here’s a pointless game. I’ll use song lyrics to ask a question, and you try to find lyrics from a different song that fit as an answer to the question. Here’s an example to get the creative juices flowing. “If I was a dancer, where would I dance?” ( Psychosis , The Refreshments) “In a happy little foreign town, where the stars hung upside down…” ( We Danced Anyway , Deanna Carter) The first person to answer the question can then add a question of their own, to be answered by ensuing comments. Assuming anyone actually tries this, I’ll try to publish the comments immediately to make things less confusing. Okay, here’s the question. I’ll make it an easy one: “Who do you love?” ( Love, Come Lighten My Load , Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers) [answer:]"I'm in love with Stacy's Mom." [next question:] "Everybody loves a clown, so why don't you?" [answer:] "Send in the clowns." [next question:] "Why do birds suddenly appear, ever...

I need some help in coining a new word. I need to create a word defined as “the things I carry around in my pockets, such as keys, wallet, cell phone, gum, and a pen.” Then I can use it in such sentences as “Hang on, let me get my _____ and we’ll get in the car.” So it should convey a sense of a dynamic collection of items. There’s the word swag , which meant something along the lines of loot , and according to the dictionary it has an additional sense of “a personal pack of belongings,” at least in Australia . That’s kind of a cool possibility. I’m kind of leaning toward a completely new word, though. Something like stocket , meaning st uff I put in my p ocket , but not so lame. Any ideas?

Contrast is a very important principle to learn. I first learned about it in a desktop publishing class. You want to balance the colors on a page so it’s not overwhelming or lopsided. It’s also important to remember in fashion. It looks better to wear some light and some dark instead of all one shade. Contrast is also a key element of humor. I like to take incongruous things and put them together. The best example I can give of this is when, a couple years ago, some friends and I decided to make up a fake band. So we took two words with completely different feelings to them and created Puppy Guts. We never got around to actually writing any songs, but that’s not important when you have a name that cool and create accompanying artwork (thanks, Nathan). Let’s see what funny, original band names you can create (like Death Socks or Munchkin Assassins). Go forth and be funny!

While blowing my nose repeatedly this morning due to this nasty cold, I thought about how nice it would be to have a redundant set of breathing passages that I could use when the usual airway is all stuffed up. Of course, there are plenty of other body parts that would be handy to have a spare set of. Extra arms or legs, for example, could really help you in a lot of situations. A spare heart could save your life. I think if I could have any extra body part, I would choose to have one extra arm. What would you choose?

I like to think that those who know me would consider me reasonably witty. I enjoy trying to spontaneously think of clever comments. It is occasionally useful, however, to have a stockpile of standard comments, particularly insults. So I got to wondering what the best insult in the world would be. There are two kinds of insults that particularly intrigue me. First, there is the over-the-head insult. This uses vocabulary or word structure in a way that is incomprehensible to the recipient. Here is an excellent example from "Calvin and Hobbes": "Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity." Brilliant! The second type is the insult so blatant that it can be utterly devastating. This can be as simple as saying, "You are an idiot," speaking slowly so it is even more insulting. Or, of course, you could also give a long involved explanation of their stupidity, which can be very therapeutic. Let's see if any of you can come ...

This would make a lame post, but I already posted today, so this is for my benefit. For anyone who reads this, I want you to help me name my "new" car. It's a white 1999 Chevrolet Lumina. It's just about the most boring color of the most boring car in existence. So the name could reflect that, or it could make up for that by being unusually exciting and creative. So far, I have thought of Edison and Pedro. As you can see, I need help. So leave lots of ridiculous comments, please.

We are all familiar with basic laws of physics, at least to the extent that we are able to pour milk on our cereal in the morning or go bowling (which, incidentally, I think is the real sport of kings). But we all have little superstitions that we are convinced are real physical laws. Perhaps the best know is the way socks seem to disappear in the dryer. I marvel at the way I can drop something over the side of the bed and it will turn up two feet under it. I'm not talking about a superball; I mean something like a pill. I have not been able to duplicate that. Even on a hard floor I can't get a pill to roll two feet. But when dropped on the carpet beside the bed, it somehow moves until it's just far enough under the bed to get covered in dust (and get me dirty reaching way under there). For some reason that fascinates me. Another "law" is the way traffic is always the worst when you're in the biggest hurry. I realize this is largely due to our perception; but...

In 2002 the prison population of the country topped 2 million. Maybe there are just a lot of people who are so lazy they want free room and board at the expense of personal freedom. At any rate, things are getting pretty overcrowded in the system. That breeds all kinds of unpleasantness, such as lawyers. The occasional science fiction story deals with this by having inmates risk their lives in return for freedom if successful in completing some dangerous task, such as escaping when being hunted. While I think the occasional (literal) manhunt could be interesting, I see something more beneficial to society. There are many dangerous jobs in the world we could be using inmates for. In return they would get a reduced sentence (variable according to the danger inherent in the job). One job in particular I would like to see an inmate do is travel to Mars. With proper training and careful selection, it could be beneficial to everybody. We would get firsthand knowledge about the planet, and th...