Cerebrate Good Times

I've had several friends and family members recently become parents, and it has made me think back to when I became a father 11 years ago. At least, I'm pretty sure that's right; I don't remember so well anymore. Anyway, there are a lot of things in life that we train for, from job interviews to athletic competitions. But we don't necessarily train for parenthood. Why not? Many parents would say it's the most important part of their lives. I know I didn't really feel prepared. So, in the interest of helping those who are considering parenthood (or have less than nine months to prepare), here is my 4-week program designed to get you into parenting shape. Week 1 Sunday: Stay up all night. Monday: Wake up for 30 minutes each time at 2 AM, 4 AM, and 6 AM Tuesday: Carry a bowling ball in the crook of your arm for 3 hours. Wednesday: Make 4 different meals for dinner. Thursday: Clean your toilet with nothing but baby wipes. Friday: Sleep in a chair...

If you ever travel in time and bring Nikola Tesla* back with you, be careful not to let him see that General Electric products are everywhere (G.E. having been founded in part by Thomas Edison, who was kind of a colossal jerk toward Tesla). *I dreamed about this last night, including turning it into a Pro Tip post. But it was Edison in my dream, which didn't make too much sense.

Never make punctuality the first item on the agenda for a meeting.