Cerebrate Good Times

Sometimes it's fun to see little clues around in your daily life and try to paint a picture with them, Sherlock Holmes style. I had one such experience on Saturday while I was out for a run. I often see beer cans or liquor bottles on the side of the road, and this day was no exception. There was the usual assortment of evidence of alcoholism. But among the brown weeds and grass, something red caught my eye. As I ran past, I could just make out what appeared to be lacy underwear. So I figured someone had an exciting night. And I continued on. Then, about 2/3 of a mile further down the road, I saw what was unmistakably a pregnancy test. Ah, the plot thickens. That exciting night has consequences. That was all for now. But in 9 months I'm going to make sure to run down the same road and see if there are any discarded diapers.

Imagine that one stormy night, you hear a knock at your mansion door. You answer the door only to see a hideous old woman standing in the rain. She demands that you allow her to spend the night in your home. She's a stranger, and you have many valuable things that you are reluctant to entrust to her presence. In the end you decide not to risk yourself, your servants and your property and tell her to be on her way. Maybe you even offer her some money to find a hotel room. Refusing to take no for an answer, she again insists that you not turn her away just because she's an ugly old woman. You stick to your decision and tell her no. Then she removes her mask and reveals that she's a beautiful young woman. She decrees that because you didn't want a potentially dangerous stranger spending the night in your home that means you have no love in your heart. The woman then waves some magic wand and turns you into some kind of huge animal thing. Not satisfied with that crime, f...

Growing up I often heard from older people that time went really fast for them. I never paid much attention to that since, as a kid, every day seemed long and a whole year seemed like forever . But then when I hit 25 or so I started noticing that it really seemed time was speeding up slightly, and for the last few years it has continued. So now I can imagine that it will only increase. I once heard an interesting explanation for this phenomenon, in a church meeting of all places. Whoever it was said that when you're 5, a year is 20% of your life, so it seems like forever. But when you're 50, it's just 2%, so the longer you've lived the shorter a given period of time takes. That seems like a fairly logical explanation. Will somebody please get out there and conduct a scientific study on this?

Last night I bought some shoes. I usually wear a 10 or 10 ½ (I have one pair of size 11s), but I ended up getting 9 1/2s. I know that when it comes to women’s clothing there is a wild variety in sizing. In one brand you can be a 6, and in another you would be a 14. There’s certainly a belief that women’s self-esteem can be influenced by their perceived size, which could lead them to desire to buy certain brands of clothing because they can fit into a smaller size. (Was the phrasing there PC enough?) It’s a little strange, though, that this could extend to men’s shoes. I don’t know any men who are embarrassed by the size of their feet. I mean, men are more likely to buy bigger sizes to feel more manly (I used to buy shirts that were way too big for my skeletal frame, which just made me look even more scrawny), with the possible exception of pants. In that case, men buy the smallest size they can fit into and just let their belly hang over their belt. So I guess we’re all a little bit...