Cerebrate Good Times

I don't know if I would categorize myself as a  great  cook, but as the primary meal prepper for our family for 15 years I feel reasonably confident in my abilities. But there are some corners I cut. So here are my kitchen confessions. I often use regular vegetable oil instead of olive oil. I use paper towels for pretty much everything, including plates sometimes. I haven't purchased ground beef in... 8 or 9 years? We exclusively use ground turkey. It started as a cost-savings thing, but now we just like it and I feel it's healthier. My chicken parmesan recipe is super simple. I just bread it with a mixture of bread crumbs and parmesan. I don't even pound the chicken flat. I use Prego spaghetti sauce, but I add shredded cheddar and ground turkey. And parmesan, of course. It's really good. One of my favorite lunches is just plain spaghetti noodles with butter and parmesan. That's three parmesan items in a row. But can you ever really have enough par...

I think we all need to feel superior to other people in some way. Not necessarily anything big, but in small, everyday experiences. It's more psychological security than anything malicious, and if we learned the ways other people felt superior to us we would probably laugh. I just had one of those experiences when I used a public restroom and the water that was coming out of the sink was warm. For some weird reason I almost always wash my hands with cold water, even in the winter. It probably goes back to my weird ideas about choosing to experience discomfort. (Tangent: I swear I've posted about this before, but I can't find it. One of the things I like about running, especially if it's too cold or too hot to be sensible, is that it exposes me to uncomfortable conditions that we don't experience very often in life. We're so used to constant comfort that having to experience any real hardship would be even more difficult for us. So I strap on the ice spikes a...

One of my coworkers brought a small vending machine to work, and uses the proceeds to fund continued purchases of candy. But shortly after I started working there, we discovered that the current stock of candy was more or less fossilized. So she replaced it, and we began to notice that different people were receiving different amounts of candy for their quarter. Eventually we decided that the amount of candy you receive is proportional to your righteousness. So I thought I'd give it a go... Well, I can't say I'm totally surprised.

Okay, so I have been trying to decide whether or not to post this. Normally I mock those who not only do something embarrassing but also actively tell others all about it, but since I recently became accustomed to embarrassment as a form of repentance, here we go. And I thought I’d reward those who still occasionally check my blog hoping (mostly in vain) for updates. Last night I went to Walmart. Calm down, that’s not the funny part. I got my groceries and headed out into the parking lot, congratulating myself for getting what I needed for the right amount of money. I tried to be patient getting out the door as a slow couple walked ahead of me. As soon as we were outside, I moved ahead of them and looked for my car. I parked in a different area than I usually did, so I was pleased to spot it right off. One of the few advantages of owning a car manufactured in the previous millennium is that it does stand out. So I walked to my car and put the key in the trunk to open it. But it would...

It lurked in the corner of the room, largely escaping notice. Well, if something taking up that much space could really escape notice. Nevertheless, it sat there watching. Patiently waiting for its chance to strike. The day began like any other. I sat in a chair for several hours, and went home. But then I had the chance to literally stretch my legs and run. The fates had conspired, however, and the wind outside was gusting up to 30 mph. Until a few weeks ago, there would have been no choice—I run outside, or not at all. But now there was the evil machine in the corner calling to me. “There’s no wind here,” it gently hissed. “Look, there’s even a place to put a tablet so you can watch TV and run at the same time…” And so, to my everlasting regret, I succumbed to the siren song. Then it began. To keep from disturbing the family beyond the noise the machine itself makes, I put in earphones, but with my arms moving my hands accidentally caught the cord and ripped them from my ea...

I was thinking recently about some of the possessions I have somehow lost over the years. I lost a couple of important souvenirs from my mission for example: a tie given to me by a great family, and a set of brass chopsticks made especially for me by a wonderful lady we taught. I also managed to lose my original wedding ring, which has since been replaced by a less expensive one. “This is why we can’t have nice things!” (Tangent: I’ve noticed that hand lotion is the cause of 100% of ring losses in my family, as we have had several scares with Katie’s, caused by taking the rings off to apply the lotion.) What have you lost?

In a box I just ran across a list I made as a teenager, entitled If I Ran When I Run the World. It consists of rules for society. Here it is, copied directly, along with my current feelings on the issue in red : Anyone talking on a cellular phone while driving will be killed on sight, or possibly kept in cages for our own amusement. I still feel this is the correct stance, although I have been guilty of it myself from time to time. I suppose the best option would be to change it to texting while driving. All dogs not used for official purposes, such as police dogs, rescue dogs, etc., will be destroyed, probably hung as piñatas and beaten with sticks, or eaten in Korea. Here too, I still agree with the sentiment, but now I realize that the problem is mostly dog owners. So maybe I'd add them to the list. All Ford Expeditions, and the yuppies driving them, will be catapulted off the edge of the Grand Canyon; cash awards for distance. I hadn't seen Hummers yet. All teen pop idol...

Katie and I are both using blue toothbrushes right now; they are just different shades. I felt unusually tired last week, but that still doesn't excuse the fact that two or three times I have accidentally started brushing my teeth with hers.

On a whim tonight, I put on some corduroy pants that I've saved from years ago, waiting a decade or so for them to come back. Are we almost there?

When I was on the parkway behind the house the other day with Dortmunder, a group of cyclists rode by. One of them said, "Taking your cat for a walk?" As they rode off, he laughed as though he had said the funniest thing in the world. I responded by saying, "Yep. Taking your mouth for a ride?" But I didn't say it loud enough for them to hear it, and now I regret it.

I'm more of a pragmatic person than a sentimental person, or so I prefer to think of myself. But yesterday I went over to BYU campus to pick something up, and I was surprised at how nostalgic I felt. I hadn't walked around campus in the five years since I graduated, and it was kind of like a punch in the stomach. With no fist anywhere to be seen, I was left with the conclusion that it was, in fact, nostalgia. And why not? Many of the decisions that have led me to this point in my life were made there. There I met and married Katie (well, we weren't married on campus or anything, but I was in school). Sam was born 6 months before I graduated, and I chose my career there. I made some great friends and had a lot of fun. What makes you nostalgic?

Sometimes when I take a drink, I notice my pinkie finger extending of its own volition. I swear I try to stop it.

Shameful confession: Today I have had the song "A Whole New World" from Aladdin stuck in my head.

One day when I was in sixth grade, a girl in our class handed me a small Christmas tree decoration she had obviously made. I had a serious crush on her, so I thought she was giving me a Christmas present. What I failed to remember was that I had been put in charge of an ornament contest for our class. It was several weeks before I realized my mistake, but by then it was too late. Mortified, I brought the ornament back to school and hid it behind something so I could "find" it and apologize to her for having lost track of it. And thus began a lifetime of awkwardness around women.

I have more Halloween makeup than many women have makeup period.

I actually kind of like Microsoft. Shh! Don't repeat it! I got some horrible virus on my laptop, and all my efforts to remove it failed. Then it disabled my Windows registration, so I couldn't even log on. So I eventually gave in and sent an email to Microsoft tech support (from a different machine, obviously). They actually called me, and over the course of 4 or 5 hours of phone calls over the course of a few weeks we actually got the problem fixed. So they actually responded to me, and their people stuck with it until they solved the problem. Who knew the evil empire was capable of some good too?

Some of you know this already, but some of you may not. Last weekend I gave in and joined Facebook. Now I feel like I lost a small piece of my soul. But from what I understand, I can fool myself into thinking that hole is filled by getting as many "friends" as possible (sarcasm definitely intended). But I take comfort in knowing that so many of you will be there with me in social networking hell.