Cerebrate Good Times

1. Is that more hair in the shower drain every morning? 2. What's the big deal? It's just a number with a zero at the end. Why should we consider that significant? 3. Am I still allowed to wear shorts? 4. I need to buy a house within the next five years or we won't have it paid off by retirement age. Then again, my generation won't be able to retire until age 80, so I shouldn't worry. 5. I really should be eating more green, leafy vegetables. If I leave potatoes in the fridge long enough, will that count? 6. Going back to school is getting less and less likely. Then again, sending kids to school will be enough trauma. 7. At least I no longer look like I'm 12, which I did until I was about 23. 8. I will never wear my cell phone on my belt. 9. For some reason, there's a big difference between having a kid and having kid s . 10. You kids get off the lawn! 11. I wonder when my memory will start to go. 12. Inside of me beats the heart of an 18-year-old. At leas...

1. Is that more hair in the shower drain every morning? 2. What's the big deal? It's just a number with a zero at the end. Why should we consider that significant? 3. Am I still allowed to wear shorts? 4. I need to buy a house within the next five years or we won't have it paid off by retirement age. Then again, my generation won't be able to retire until age 80, so I shouldn't worry. 5. I really should be eating more green, leafy vegetables. If I leave potatoes in the fridge long enough, will that count? 6. Going back to school is getting less and less likely. Then again, sending kids to school will be enough trauma. 7. At least I no longer look like I'm 12, which I did until I was about 23. 8. I will never wear my cell phone on my belt. 9. For some reason, there's a big difference between having a kid and having kid s . 10. You kids get off the lawn! 11. I wonder when my memory will start to go. 12. Inside of me beats the heart of an 18-year-old. At leas...

Sam doesn't eat a great variety of food. One of the few things he will eat, though, is orange creme yogurt. Katie eats them too, so we probably buy 30 to 50 of them a month. And in recent months, I have noticed at the stores we frequent that the space for that particular flavor of yogurt is expanding. In at least one store there is more room for that one than any other flavor.

We each have mysteries in our life that we hope to have solved some day. Some of us wonder how our lives would have been different if a decision had been made differently. But I don't care about that. All I wonder is where my stuff has gone. Several years ago I lost my favorite tie, given to me by a family in Korea. And then later I lost a nice pair of brass chopsticks someone had made for me. These events simply don't make sense; I simply can't imagine what could have happened to them. What are the mysteries in your life that you hope to solve some day?

Every morning when I walk outside I see a few strands of a spider web strung across the porch. And every morning I have no choice but to break it as I go to the car. But despite these daily setbacks, the spider doesn't give up. He rebuilds it every day. There's a lesson here about perseverance. Specifically, the lesson is that there's a point at which perseverance becomes stupidity. Just build the web somewhere else, you dumb spider.

I was looking through my blog posts and noticed a lot of drafts that I never finished. Either I ran out of ideas, or I realized they made pretty boring posts. Here's a smattering of my incomplete thoughts: --------------------------------------------------------- For some reason, I've been thinking lately about how to rate bands. I think the best way to boil it down to a single number is to use the ratio of songs I listen to vs those I habitually skip when they come up in a playlist. I call this the Rockin' Ratio, or RR. For example, my RR for the band Guster is 98%, because of the 61 songs I have of theirs, there's only one that I usually skip. On the other hand I'm probably the only person in the world who would care about this. --------------------------------------------------------- The hardest things I've ever done: Toilet training a child Running ten miles with an injured knee (incidentally, this also ranks high on the list of the dumbest things I...

We all know that what is attractive changes. White skin, tan skin, child-bearing hips, skinny hips, and so on. Whatever you look like, there's a fair chance that at some point in history you would have been considered at least somewhat attractive. As far as my appearance, I suppose skinny pale guys are as popular now as ever, what with all the hipsters running around, and sparkly vampires and whatnot. What about you? When would your golden age be?

1. I woke up this morning with a weird red mark on my arm like I was bitten by a spider, or an extremely small and overzealous Twilight fan. 2. I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to getting new bath towels. Katie got us some nice red ones, but even if you wash them several times before use they still leave lint on you for weeks. So I'm probably going to look like I'm constantly shedding chicken pox or something over the next few days.

Do you ever find yourself automatically saying, "Ow!" when you bump into something, even when it doesn't hurt? I've been noticing lately that I do*, and it bugs me. (something about whales) *Actually, I've been saying "Owie!" which is even worse.

I often drive past a Mexican seafood restaurant, which I suppose is a fun idea. What puzzles me, however, is why they chose to paint a giant whale on the side of the building. Am I the only one who thinks that's not the ideal image of seafood? I'm pretty sure eating whale is illegal in this country. What do you think of when you think of seafood? Should they have painted a giant crab or lobster on the building?

Today I heard two phrases which made me wonder if I had traveled back to 1995: "Whaddup?" and "Peace out."

I have never felt better. My vision is clearer, the very air Is sweeter, and there is a Spring in my Step. Dinner last night was tempting, with delicious chocolate cake being Offered. But I resisted, and Now I feel free. Under no circumstances will I find myself Taking the last eclair. Success! So, as difficult as it has been, Everybody should try to reduce their sugar intake Now and then. Don't you think? Happy with the way it is going, I recommend it to Everyone. I think this experiment will have a Lasting effect on my life. Perhaps you should try it too.

I like to read articles that discuss quantum physics, in the vain hope that someday I'll understand such concepts as Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and Bell's inequality. Seriously, how can observing a particle affect its quantum state? Which reminds me, when I get a cat I'm going to have to name it Schrodinger.

There are some Rolos on the kitchen counter. After a couple hours they are audibly calling my name. I refuse to acknowledge the voices, for fear the Skittles will think I'm crazy. I awoke from a lovely dream of eating Twizzlers this morning to find a shoelace missing from my sneakers. I suspect it was the fun-size Snickers that knocked on the door last night, asking for a glass of water.

While I don't have dreams of drinking Willy Wonka's chocolate river, I still think I have more sugar than I should. And yet if I ever refuse a treat, the person offering notes that I'm not exactly ready for the big time as a sumo wrestler. Still, I don't think I should wait until I am fat before I start to watch my diet. So, for my health (and to prove that I really can stop any time I want to) I am going to go sugar free for the month of May. That means no chocolate, ice cream, cake, soda, or anything else that is a delightful, sugary treat that melts in your mouth and is sooooo sweeeeet... Sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a minute. Anyway, I'll be sure to chronicle my adventure here. And if my blog entries get even more erratic for a while, blame the oompa-loompas.

The people who used to live in this house (who are both dead and therefore unlikely to take offense at this post) get some interesting mail. They get a lot of catalogs from mints and other places that sell (let's face it) useless junk. Today's offering of the Pope pip was especially noteworthy.

A couple nights ago, I awoke to lights flashing from a police car outside our house. There was also one down at the other end of the street. They were there for a good half hour, with lights flashing, then they drove away. So it was sort of one of those situations I'll always be curious about. Last night some friends of ours were kind enough to bring us dinner, including spare ribs which I heated up on the grill. When I took them off the grill, I noticed that something hot had dripped out and missed the grease catcher, and some dried leaves under the grill caught fire. Some of the lovely astroturf on our patio may have gotten singed. Sorry, Jer.

On the freeway this morning, I noticed long, thin strings of some sort flying toward me periodically from somewhere up ahead. Eventually one caught itself on my side mirror and came along for the ride to work. When I parked, I discovered that it was a strip of tape from an audio cassette. I guess someone didn't like what they were listening to anymore.

I wouldn't have thought mother nature would get into the whole April Fools thing, but non-stop snow for over 24 hours is a pretty good joke.

/frus•trashun'/ n The feeling experienced when a four-hour car trip is extended by an hour due to a traffic jam on the freeway, and the cause of the delay remains unknown.