Cerebrate Good Times

I remember this brief glimpse of a dream last night. It's sort of a little video I was watching. A couple with a young teenage son was in a car similar to a newer VW Beetle. The husband had been driving but gunned the engine to sort of crest this hill on momentum (but it was airborne) while he got out and walked (somehow) ahead of the car, allowing it to come to a stop at the top. He was making some kind of joke to the "camera" that I can't quite recall. The mother was in the passenger seat drinking apple juice from a sippy cup, and the son was in the back. The really weird part, however, was their hair. The wife had her long, curly blond hair piled on the top of her head with the sides cut really short. The dad had long darker hair that was swept up and forward and really looked ridiculous. But the worst was the son. He also had blond hair, but it consisted of bangs and two pony tails in back, and the rest was buzzed. It was absolutely bizarre.

This was a really strange one. Katie had been out running some errands or something and met this kid in his 20s who asked her out on a date. She had decided to accept, and told me about it. I was really upset about it, of course. But I didn't try to stop her because 1) I decided it was a mid-life crisis thing and would boost her self-esteem, and 2) I knew she would realize I'm way better for her than anyone else could ever be. So this kid shows up to my house (which was some really weird building in the dream). He had long hair. And he was in pretty good shape but was 6 inches shorter than me. There were a couple other people there I can't quite identify, but it seems like they were friends of ours. So he was introducing himself, and asked me if I was Katie's brother. I said, "No, I'm her HUSBAND." He was kind of taken aback by that, so I guess she hadn't mentioned being married. But they went out anyway. He picked her up in some fancy car/plane hybr...

Last night I dreamed that I had won a contest of some sort to have dinner with Marian Call, a singer I like. We went to dinner, and she asked if I like pasta, and I said of course I do. Then it seems like the dream skipped the dinner, and we walked back to a run-down apartment where she lived. There I discovered that she had nine children, for some reason. They were running around being noisy, but they seemed like good kids. She went into the bathroom, and it seemed like she was really struggling with something in there. Then she started yelling at her kids from within the bathroom, and I eventually decided I should go. I was down the steps outside when one of the older kids came down and sadly announced that she had died. It was pretty upsetting, and more than a little weird. The other thing I remember was that she sang a song to or about Donald Trump and changed the words to a criticism of his administration. The tune was her song called Coffee by Numbers  (go listen; it's g...

Last night I dreamed I was the Secretary of Education for the United States. I don't remember being aware of who was the president, although I did wonder what happened to Betsy DeVos and figured I could hardly do a worse job. I needed to mail something and figured I could use this special ring I had to avoid having to put a stamp on it. But I don't know how it was supposed to work. Later I dreamed that I was supposed to teach a college class on abnormal psychology. And, much like the dreams in which I am a student, I was woefully unprepared. I thought it was in this big amphitheater, but there was already a professor in there, who directed me to the far side of the room, where a small hallway included a room that would fit about 6 desks. I was actually relieved that there weren't more students. For some reason my boss and a coworker were there to support me, and then there were a few students. We got started and I thought I'd kill some time by learning their names and...

My summer has consisted of two intense colds bridged by an ongoing sinus infection, and now I seem to be developing bronchitis. This is very odd for me; I don't recall so much summer illness ever before. But with illness comes the opportunity for interesting dreams. And while I was half asleep for the last portion of the night between coughing fits, I had another one. My family went to University Mall in Orem, Utah. I ended up dropping off Katie and the kids and parking the van somewhere. I think we were looking for some Sunday dresses for Allison, but the store manager had boxed up all the dresses her size and donated them to charity. So we went out to try to find the van. It was night, and we couldn't find the van. I ran all around the mall looking, and finally found where I had parked it, but it was gone.  We called the police but had a hard time getting through. We found someone we knew who helped us go to the police station. The police eventually found some surveill...

I had a couple interesting dreams last night. First, it was as though all of Stephen King's creations existed at once in a world and were trying to get me. It was one of those dreams that doesn't necessarily terrify me, but it does leave me feeling exhausted. I remember trying to find where I could go that they wouldn't find me, although I really don't remember anything about specific monsters. Second, it was the Rapture, in a pretty protestant-style situation. The good people were allowed into heaven. What you did was to wait until the sun appeared like a square cursor on a computer screen, and then stare at it, and you and whoever you were touching ascended. I was trying to gather my family. Katie put on warm clothes, because at altitude it's freezing, of course, so I followed suit. It felt like things kept delaying us, but we finally were ready. I said goodbye to the house, and I felt very emotional about it. We ascended, which really only lasted a few mome...

Last night I dreamed that a neighbor of mine with whom I had worked on church assignments had a book store. It was part of some sort of big bazaar-like series of shops that was situated in a large open building like a high-school gym. I found out (it was as if I were thrown into the dream in the middle of it) that he had somehow stolen my driver’s license, so I went to his shop and yelled at him a bunch and got it back. Also, another friend I used to work with apparently worked in the book store. Then it somehow happened again. I had to go get my license back from him a second time. Someone I knew who ran another shop (not sure if it’s a real person) lent me one of his goons because I guess the bazaar was all mobbed up or something. The goon was 6’3” and had red hair, so he kind of stood out. I instructed him to follow me at a distance because if we spooked the book store owner he would run. So I confronted this neighbor again, and he was very apologetic but somehow infuriating. F...

Last night I dreamed up a movie plot that combines two popular genres into a surefire smash hit. Picture it: Humankind is on the cusp of interstellar travel, about to begin in earnest the search for intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. Suddenly, an advanced alien race arrives and attacks the Earth, apparently intent upon destroying all life. There are no negotiations, only destruction. A rag-tag band of humans is fighting back, sacrificing their lives to give humanity a chance to survive. As the battle for the planet rages on, we discover that the aliens have a weakness. If only we can exploit it in time! Our little group begins preparations to execute a devastating counter attack against the aliens, to ensure mankind’s survival and ensure his rightful place in the cosmos. As the time draws near, however, a new surge of panic spreads throughout the world. A new virus is spreading like wildfire, devastating the remnants of humanity. And not just humans. It affects plants...

Last night I dreamed that some doctor told me I needed heart surgery. But I couldn't get anybody to tell me specifically what was wrong. I was very upset.

I woke up at 6:20 this morning, decided "Nope," and set my alarm for 20 minutes later. Then I had a dream in which I lost Allison in a huge, crowded church building and was running around frantically, trying to find her. I was even crying in the dream. Everyone else was being spectacularly unhelpful, and finally I went into the women's bathroom (which was an enormous open room in which the stalls lines the wall and had velvet curtains instead of doors), and she was in there, just fine. The lesson here is that the snooze button is dangerous.

Last night I dreamed that I was in a Chinese restaurant. It was kind of like a four-sided deli counter, with a space in the middle that was filled with water and a large alligator. I remember it was very aggressive. I was with several people who had ordered and were waiting for me. I was trying to decide but couldn’t. I asked the man working the counter where the sign was that had listed the daily lunch specials, because apparently I had been there before. He showed me the sign, which was on the opposite side of the restaurant from where I remembered it. The special that day apparently involved whole ducklings served in some kind of sauce or soup. I decided to pass. Then, at a different point in the dream I had a pet tiger. It was more or less tame, but I was still very nervous around it and was trying to figure out how to get rid of it. I was going to call a zoo up in Idaho, which for some reason I thought might be interested. I also dreamed that I was involved in the production of a ...

Last night I dreamed about an Asian family, the father of which had invented a method for time travel. But his home was attacked by some bad guy, and all he could do was send his son back in time 90 minutes to warn them all that it was going to happen. The son was successful, and then I don't remember exactly what happened, but in the end both the father and the bad guy agreed that time travel was not a good idea.

Last night I had a short horror-movie dream. I was standing near a dirt country road, when an old gray Ford pickup pulled up with a man inside. Also inside was a doll-sized figure. After a few moments, the doll suddenly turned face up and shrieked “Scarecrow!”  The man was literally scared to death, and his body kind of shriveled and shrunk like the doll. I knew that if we left, the scarecrow doll thing would keep popping up out of nowhere and screaming at us (I was suddenly with an unnamed friend), so we cut off the heads of both bodies and buried them (just the heads, for some reason).

Last night I dreamed that I was speaking with Enes Kanter of the Utah Jazz, who is from Turkey. I asked him how to say several things in Turkish, which I tried to remember to look up and see if my brain was super amazing, but I forgot them when I woke up. I do remember, however, that he said that Turkish word order was object-verb-subject, which as I recall is relatively rare among languages. But I just looked that up and, alas, Turkish is subject-object-verb. So I'm not subconsciously a genius. (Note: That doesn't preclude my being a conscious genius.)

Last night I dreamed that I was in school, and Rick Santorum came to ask my class to record a radio promotion for him. A few of us objected, and I told him that some people think he is a little crazy, and that I wasn’t comfortable being a part of the promotion. Then Mitt Romney came to our class in response, and he asked me if I was going to vote for him instead. I was a little annoyed that he asked, but I told him that I would if he secured the nomination. Also, I remember the teacher complaining to him, as if he were the principal, that my little group were being difficult in general, and weren’t doing our homework. In the end it seems like I was in kindergarten, which is funny because it would render the whole voting thing moot.

Last night I dreamed that I had been traveling somewhere for about a year, and I came home to find that I was now required to serve a two-year stint in the army. Apparently I was to be stationed in Austria, and I was pretty upset. I distinctly remember thinking that I wasn't homesick when I went to Korea for two years, or wherever I had been traveling in this dream for the previous year, but I started to feel homesick in the dream itself. Very strange.

Last night I dreamed that I went skydiving. I was with some guy who was an expert, and he jumped out without telling me which of the two cords on my parachute I would need to pull. I jumped out and caught up with him in the air, and he let me know which one it was, so I could properly deploy my parachute. It was fun.

The other night I dreamed that I was climbing some of the highest mountains in the state. I was especially excited when I got to King's Peak , and I started climbing it with Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters. It was awesome, until a little girl crashed her bike (apparently the first part of the trail was paved, and we were riding) and she changed her mind about making the climb with us. So I had to take her back down the mountain while the other went on. Bummer.

Last night I dreamed that I was involved in a group planning an intricate heist of some sort. We all had our jobs. Mine involved researching the average weight of a variety of dogs so we could correctly dose the sleeping pills in the meat we would give them, because we apparently didn't know the breeds we would be up against. Eventually we successfully broke into the place the valuable item was stored, which was a high-rise apartment building. We ended up taking the small locked box the item was in (I remember we had to ride the elevator with some cops on the way down), allowing our lock guy to work on it for a couple days. When he eventually got it open, it was some sort of Micro Machine . We were all a little skeptical about the value of such an item, but it did look like an unusual one, and it came with something labeled a "micro computer." So we decided to check around to see what it was worth, but I woke up too soon to find out.

I dreamed I was on Mars, harvesting beans with something that looked like a hockey stick. Why I couldn't just pick them up is anyone's guess.