Cerebrate Good Times

When the economy stops circling the drain and drops in, how will you respond? a) Curl up in a fetal position and cry b) Grow a beard and move to the desert c) Sell pencils (and possibly organs) on the street d) Loot as many stores as possible e) Find yourself a nice little dumpster and settle in; then begin training rats and raccoons to become your unholy army of the night f) _________________________________

Last night I dreamed that a skunk got in our house and I had to gently herd it outside. Then, when I left this morning, I smelled skunk when I stepped out the front door. I assure you there was not a trace of skunk smell in the house. Maybe I have secret animal psychic powers.

Why don’t people wear hats anymore? I’m not talking about the deliciously huge hats women wear to the track or the moronic trucker hats people wear around, but rather the kind of hats people wore when dressed up for a night on the town. Deep down I have a sneaking suspicion that if we all wore hats, the world would be a more peaceful place. Okay, not really, but I think it would be a more dapper place, which is something in itself.

I'm fascinated by the way people are afraid to disagree sometimes. For example, sometimes I hear someone voice an opinion, and I'll offer a contrasting one—not to be argumentative, just to explain that I see things differently. Then the other person will sometimes try to agree with me or come up with something conciliatory to say. This also happens with food. It's perfectly fine if my wife doesn't like smoked gouda. She doesn't need to apologize about it (but sometimes she does anyway). I mean, it's nice that we don't want to offend other people. But we have every right to our own opinion. If you hate this post, that's great! I want to hear all about it.

What do the following three paragraphs have in common? Last night I noticed that a neighbor had planted one of those tiny pine-tree-like shrubs, and it brought to mind a question I have had for a long time: Why would anybody want a pine tree in their yard? The needles stand ready to stab you if you get too close, you can't climb them, and their shape prevents them from providing useful shade. I had a great idea for a restaurant. It would be a Western-themed restaurant, and it would be kind of like the Training Table, except you order your food using a telegraph at your table (the menu would give you the Morse code for your meal). Then it would be sent out to your table on a little train. Wouldn't that be an awesome place to eat? And, finally, last night I started having this really interesting dream. It was just like a movie, complete with a narrator. There was this girl who was dating a guy, and she had a necklace she always wore when she wasn't around him, but she took it...

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When it comes to running/cycling/whatever you do to get exercise outdoors, you can choose between several annoyances. If you exercise outside, you can pretty much choose between heat stroke and swallowing copious amounts of insects. If you go in the heat of the day, the bugs are sensibly taking shelter somewhere, so you are free to gasp for air without fear of mosquito bites in your esophagus. But you run the risk of losing more body weight through sweat than you actually possess. For those who prefer to exercise in the morning or evening, the temperature is pleasant, but you probably actually gain weight from the truckloads of bugs you will inevitably swallow and/or inhale. After running in the evening, I often have to pick gnats out of my hair, and I might spit out one or two a couple hours later. So here's my solution: The bonus is that those roving bands of rebellious fencers will choose an easier target to attack.