A Maxim Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

I think it's time to update some axions. Many clichés don't really hold any water, so a while ago a coworker and I decided to bring them into the modern era and correct them grammatically. Here are a few of my favorites:

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, weaker, or largely untouched.

The way to a man's heart is through his superior vena cava; the stomach just leads to the small intestine.

Four walls do not a prison make, but it's a start.

Patience is a virtue; making others hurry is a skill.

Tis better to have loved and lost than to have allowed her to max out your credit cards.

A rose by any other name would just confuse men buying flowers.

Hell hath no fury like people in line at the post office.

Easier procrastinated than done.

The early colonoscopy gets the polyps.

There are two kinds of people: those who deal in generalities and those who don't.

Talk is cheap, except the words "I do."

Laughter is the best medecine; and, when directed improperly, a leading cause of injury.

Once bitten, six rabies shots.

You can catch as many flies with manure as you can with honey.

I hope that brightened up your Friday. Thanks to Eric Jamison for helping me come up with these.