American Football

I used to watch football a lot when I was in high school. (This is American football I'm talking about, of course.) I enjoyed the strategy and the brute force involved. I loved the Miami Dolphins and Dan Marino, who of course never won a Superbowl. (This was in line with my Utah Jazz fandom and the Stockton/Malone finals teams that could never get past Michael Jordan.) After my mission I never managed to get back into it. I went to BYU and occasionally watched their games, but it never became rabid fandom.

These day I really dislike football. I hate what it does the the players' health, I hate the culture of violence and the enmity between rival teams, and I hate that we are so focused on it rather than dealing with more important things in our country (notwithstanding the protests during the national anthem, which I wholeheartedly support) . The whole idea of putting your team's flag in your yard or whatever is just weird to me. I mean, I like pasta, but I don't put a flag in my yard with fettuccine on it. Hmm, now there's an idea...

The other day I decided that just to push the buttons of football fans I am always going to say the words "American football." "Hey, did you guys watch any American football games last night?" I expect it will come off as pretentious and just mildly irritating. The downside is that soccer fans will probably actually like it, but you can't have everything.

Comments

)en said…
I AM SO WITH YOU 100% AND AM GOING TO DO THIS TOO. Ok, that’s too long for all caps but I freaking love the idea of always referring to it as “American football.” So dang funny. 😂 And I agree with everything you said, all of it. Hate it, think the flags and lawn decorations are super weird, categorizing people by what team they support or what color they bleed is idiotic, not to mention the completely avoidable devastating health risks and again, just everything you said. Even the bit about the jazz’s glory days and the misfortune of coinciding with Michael Jordan’s era. But really, let’s do it—“Oh is there an American football game on tonight?” Besides, anything to make me feel more Euro. A neighbor who’s from Netherlands told me she’d say I was Dutch by my mannerisms and I could not have felt more flattered.
August 28, 2018 at 11:51 AM
Joel said…
I went in and saw your comment right away this time—yay! Still not sure why I'm not getting email notifications. Your Euro comment made me think I should go with a French accent to make it even more outrageous. "Oh, ze football américain! I love eet!" I am way into the Jazz again these, but I think basketball doesn't have the same weird cult following and violent culture as football, so I hope I'm not being hypocritical here.
August 29, 2018 at 8:53 AM
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