Average Is Best

Mediocrity is wonderful. Well, I mean being average in some areas.

I often reflect that I wouldn't really want to read minds, because knowing exactly what other people think about us would only result in arrogance or depression. (I feel like I've posted on this before, but I couldn't find it.) Similarly, I believe that people who are rich or extremely attractive must have a hard time judging the motivations of people in their life.

This might sound weird, but I hope my girls grow up to be average-looking. Since we still place an inordinate emphasis on appearance, and women are still at a societal disadvantage when it comes to finding a spouse, I hope they grow up to simply look like normal women. If they are too attractive they will get too much attention from people who may not actually care about them as people, which creates additional challenges in their lives. And if they are too unattractive that makes having relationships a challenge. If they are in the comfortable "normal" zone, it's easier to be around people who care about them as individuals. I feel the same way about my boys, but the way society works means there's less of a stigma on a man based on his appearance.

I'm going to love my girls no matter what as they grow, and I think they will be kind, intelligent, talented people. But parents always want advantages for their children, and in this case I think average is an advantage.

Comments

)en said…
I'm not sure what I think about this, to be honest. It's as if a person's fate is determined by external things, which I can't really get on board with. Also, I don't see anywhere the acknowledgement that a girl has the power and ability to discern and judge those around her, but am instead hearing "some people are going to take advantage of you" and that's the end of that. Does she not have a say on the matter? What my concern would be is how much a girl is going to listen to the societal messages being delivered of beauty being important, and perhaps how your blog post could be viewed as a perpetuation of that, Joel. Because really, isn't physical appearance only an issue if we choose to make it one?
September 7, 2018 at 11:18 AM
Joel said…
I understand. As I wrote this, I felt like I couldn't quite articulate what I wanted to express. I do think the interactions we have with other people take a toll on us. If the majority of interactions are negative, the odds are we'll be negatively impacted. While we can always choose how we react, and we see many examples of people who overcome such stigma to be happy and successful, I just think life is more challenging for people in certain situations. And it's up to each of us to rise to the challenges we face. But you are right that I didn't acknowledge the importance of us teaching our children that our worth is independent of outside critique. This was more of a thought experiment along the lines of whether we could consider ordinary preferable to extraordinary in certain circumstances.
September 7, 2018 at 11:33 AM
)en said…
I see. It's all so relative though too, isn't it? And fortunately we are complex human beings. My preconceived notions can take me only so far and one day I hope to succeed in just leaving them at the door.
September 10, 2018 at 12:50 PM
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