The Last Day

While I don't have dreams of drinking Willy Wonka's chocolate river, I still think I have more sugar than I should. And yet if I ever refuse a treat, the person offering notes that I'm not exactly ready for the big time as a sumo wrestler. Still, I don't think I should wait until I am fat before I start to watch my diet. So, for my health (and to prove that I really can stop any time I want to) I am going to go sugar free for the month of May. That means no chocolate, ice cream, cake, soda, or anything else that is a delightful, sugary treat that melts in your mouth and is sooooo sweeeeet... Sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a minute.

Anyway, I'll be sure to chronicle my adventure here. And if my blog entries get even more erratic for a while, blame the oompa-loompas.

Scale

I'm just amused at how small Allison's pinkie fingernails are. Smaller than a grain of rice? How are we supposed to trim that?

More Dreaming Awesomeness

In my dream last night I heard a song by The Offspring that was about beating up the Founding Fathers. All I remember is this line:

Jefferson was a comedian
Let's see if he thinks it's funny when I beat him down

Jefferson was a comedian?

A Matter of a Few Degrees

Katie has a pork chop recipe from her mom that has never turned out the way she would like it. The rice never seems to be cooked all the way. You know how it is when you cook someone else's recipe; it never seems the same. Anyway, last time we were down at their place Katie found out that her mom has been cooking it at a temperature 15 degrees higher than the written recipe stated. So we'll see how it goes tonight.

Bastardosity

*Warning: This is a vituperative post intended for venting purposes only. On the other hand, the rage mixed with the sleep deprivation might be amusing, like mixing prescriptions.

Before the baby was born, I contacted the hospital to get Katie registered, because I didn't want to get blood on the stack of forms I would no doubt have to fill out before they would allow the baby to enter the world. ("Push her back in, he hasn't finished form 863-C yet!") They told us we could prepay for the delivery, which would give us a 25% discount. While that sounded suspiciously good, I said okay, so a few days later we got a bill. The bill assumed a two-day stay, free from complications. With the prepayment discount, it was only about $1,000. I knew we'd still get a bill from the doctor (probably $500 or so for what ended up being a whole 30 minutes of work), but I figured that would take care of most of it.

Today we got a couple bills in the mail, adjusting the actual amount due upward slightly. And by "slightly," I mean eight times the original amount. Among the interesting tidbits is the nursery charge for the baby: $1,452. Guess how long, over the course of two days, the baby was in the nursery. Ready? One hour, so Katie could take a shower. Again, $1452 for one hour. How do I earn $1452 for an hour of watching a baby sleep? That's over $3 million a year, multiplied by the number of babies in the nursery. For that kind of money, I'd even change their poopy diapers.

Now, the good news is that this is probably not the final bill. And if that's the case, I have an entirely different complaint. On the bill is this statement: "Your insurance if listed below has been billed." This doesn't tell me whether they have already paid for anything or not. And the statement, which is nowhere labeled "this is not your bill," conveniently includes an envelope in case I want to go ahead and cut them a check, which would save them the trouble of dealing with the insurance. And once you've paid an insurance company, good luck getting your money back in case the insurance pays out too. Is it any wonder people ignore medical bills when they get four different statements for one procedure?

So I was thinking...

Baby monitor:



Baby monitor:

YES, send me my Pope John Paul II Collector Pin for FREE examination

The people who used to live in this house (who are both dead and therefore unlikely to take offense at this post) get some interesting mail. They get a lot of catalogs from mints and other places that sell (let's face it) useless junk. Today's offering of the Pope pip was especially noteworthy.

Two Other Things

A couple nights ago, I awoke to lights flashing from a police car outside our house. There was also one down at the other end of the street. They were there for a good half hour, with lights flashing, then they drove away. So it was sort of one of those situations I'll always be curious about.

Last night some friends of ours were kind enough to bring us dinner, including spare ribs which I heated up on the grill. When I took them off the grill, I noticed that something hot had dripped out and missed the grease catcher, and some dried leaves under the grill caught fire. Some of the lovely astroturf on our patio may have gotten singed. Sorry, Jer.

Quote from Sam

"Sorry, I can't hear you. I have the net on my head."

Nugget

"The way you see the dawn helps determine the way you see the light."

Last night I dreamed that I said that, and in my dream I felt it was very profound and should be remembered for posterity. One more reason the dream world and the waking world are not the same.

Allison Wonderland

At 2:00 this morning, Katie started having contractions, but only every half hour or so. We packed the hospital bag and decided to wait until they were closer, because they would just send us home, even though we remembered that Sam came quite quickly. At 5:30, the contractions appeared to be no closer, so I hopped in the shower. When I got out 5 minutes later, I found Katie lying on the bed having pretty much continuous contractions.

We didn't get Katie inside the hospital until 6:45 (Props to Jer for his willingness to watch Sam until my parents got to our place). There was no time for an epidural, so the baby was born the old-fashioned way at 7:10. For the stats nuts out there, she was 6 pounds 5 ounces, and 18.5 inches long. We were extremely fortunate in that the doctor was already there for another delivery. So it was definitely a close call (although someone apparently gave birth in the lobby a couple days ago).

After much deliberation, polls and circular discussions, we threw away the previous finalists and decided to name our little redhead Allison.


This hat does a good job of hiding my fauxhawk.

Narrow Your Eyes


I think everyone should have an arch-nemesis. It gives a focal point for the murderous rage we all feel. (The rest of you feel it too, right?) If I had to pick an enemy, it would be a certain neighbor I once had. She was saccharine to the point of insincerity, sanctimonious, and incredibly judgmental. (I am aware of the hypocrisy of my own judgment of her, by the way—please refer to this post for my feelings on the subject.) She was incapable of understanding that anyone may not have grown up in the same perfect family circumstances she did, which led to a lot of inadvertent bragging. And I know that, deep down, she despised me too, even if she could never admit such negative feelings to herself. I wonder, if we were in a movie, which of us would be the supervillain and which the hero.

Who is your enemy?

Everyone's a Critic

On the freeway this morning, I noticed long, thin strings of some sort flying toward me periodically from somewhere up ahead. Eventually one caught itself on my side mirror and came along for the ride to work. When I parked, I discovered that it was a strip of tape from an audio cassette. I guess someone didn't like what they were listening to anymore.

Bravo

I wouldn't have thought mother nature would get into the whole April Fools thing, but non-stop snow for over 24 hours is a pretty good joke.