Cerebrate Good Times

There are some things in life that I don’t understand, such as why the following foods exist: Pre-packaged sandwiches Green-apple flavored anything (except actual green apples) Pasta salad (but I love actual pasta) Butter cookies in a tin I honestly want to know if you know anybody who likes any of these things (I’m guessing green apple has some fans).

Don’t yawn. Seriously. Okay, after you read that, did you have an irresistible urge to yawn? I certainly did after writing it.

This little beauty has been appearing around the office today.

Some people can’t take criticism, while others can’t take compliments. I won’t pretend that I’m great at taking criticism, although I make an attempt to keep an open mind (at least that part of my mind that’s not actively plotting revenge). I’m utterly terrible at taking compliments, though. Part of the problem stems from studying other languages. In many parts of the world the only way to receive a compliment is to deny it vehemently. “I like your coat.” “This old thing? I stole it from a dead hobo. It makes me look and smell like a rotting whale carcass.” In other parts of the world, if you compliment someone’s clothing, they will try to take it off and give it to you. This leads us to a discussion entitled “The World’s Worst Pickup Lines,” which is best left for another time. In truth, the only universally acceptable way to deal with a compliment is to immediately spill a hot drink on yourself, scream, and run for the nearest bathroom. It maintains your dignity while defusin...

Well, it’s that time of year again. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I don’t mean that time when the leaves turn golden, the air turns crisp, and the warm aroma of an apple pie baking in the oven drifts gently through the house. No, it’s the time of year when you’d better take a close look at your shower before you hop in each morning, because there’s nothing quite like standing there naked and wet, only to discover a large spider crawling toward your exposed foot. I try not to kill spiders as a matter of principle. I usually put them outside or just leave them be. But when I’m at my most vulnerable, dripping wet in the shower, and I see one in there, it’s more than likely not going to survive the encounter. To all the arachnids for whose untimely death I bear responsibility, I offer my most heartfelt apologies. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.

I like to learn about things. Sometimes I’ll be looking up some information on the Web, and the information leads me to something else, which leads me to something else, until I end up learning about Soviet ICBMs instead of the origin of the lute. I’m sure this is partly due to a lack of mental discipline, but to me the whole world is terribly fascinating. Most people I know would probably agree that I know a little bit about a lot of things. On the other hand, my comprehension of a particular subject is often not terribly deep. The “jack-of-all-trades” concept has a negative connotation, but I think that’s unfair. I prefer to think of myself as a Swiss army knife of a person, ready with a spork or a fish scaler. It may not be an ideal knife for peeling vegetables or committing armed robbery, but when you need an all-purpose tool, it’s not a bad thing to have around. Not that I’m trying to get invited to more parties or anything.