You Are Utterly Average in Every Way

Some people can’t take criticism, while others can’t take compliments. I won’t pretend that I’m great at taking criticism, although I make an attempt to keep an open mind (at least that part of my mind that’s not actively plotting revenge). I’m utterly terrible at taking compliments, though. Part of the problem stems from studying other languages. In many parts of the world the only way to receive a compliment is to deny it vehemently.

“I like your coat.”

“This old thing? I stole it from a dead hobo. It makes me look and smell like a rotting whale carcass.”

In other parts of the world, if you compliment someone’s clothing, they will try to take it off and give it to you. This leads us to a discussion entitled “The World’s Worst Pickup Lines,” which is best left for another time.

In truth, the only universally acceptable way to deal with a compliment is to immediately spill a hot drink on yourself, scream, and run for the nearest bathroom. It maintains your dignity while defusing a potentially awkward situation.

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