Biddy and the Beast

Imagine that one stormy night, you hear a knock at your mansion door. You answer the door only to see a hideous old woman standing in the rain. She demands that you allow her to spend the night in your home. She's a stranger, and you have many valuable things that you are reluctant to entrust to her presence. In the end you decide not to risk yourself, your servants and your property and tell her to be on her way. Maybe you even offer her some money to find a hotel room.

Refusing to take no for an answer, she again insists that you not turn her away just because she's an ugly old woman. You stick to your decision and tell her no. Then she removes her mask and reveals that she's a beautiful young woman. She decrees that because you didn't want a potentially dangerous stranger spending the night in your home that means you have no love in your heart.

The woman then waves some magic wand and turns you into some kind of huge animal thing. Not satisfied with that crime, for good measure she then changes all your servants (who are all completely innocent bystanders) into various pieces of furniture and other household items, making sure they retain their consciousness and memories so they can experience every moment of this living hell in perfect lucidity.

She imposes an arbitrary date by which you have to fall in love and have it returned, a subjective experience in any event, and made much more difficult because of your new and grotesque appearance. If you fail, these changes will be permanent, and your entire household will be trapped permanently in this nightmarish existence.

Seriously, Gaston should have just married the "enchantress" from the beginning of the movie. The two jerks would have gotten along just great. And if the prince would have let her in to begin with, what would she have done? Married him? Is she not being just as judgmental as he supposedly was?  The crazy witch is really the bad guy in Beauty and the Beast. If there were any justice we would have learned that she was subsequently hunted down and burned at the stake.


Bill said…
Don't forget the fact that the person she's cursing is an 11-year-old boy! I mean, talk about Stranger Danger! (And lady, horribly twisting his body, as well as those of everyone he's ever known, based upon a first meeting aren't going to help him with those trust issues, let me tell you!)

I mean, the song says, "Ten years we've been rusting..." If the spell has to be broken by the prince's 21st birthday, and they've been in this sorry condition for ten years, then this kid is barely old enough to go to middle school, MAYBE.

Yeah, compared to that, Gaston's only a secondary villain at BEST!
Joel said…
Yes, and won't his impending puberty be punishment enough?
Bill said…
Hmm... Maybe the whole thing's a metaphor, and that IS what the curse was all about!

I mean, think about it. His voice dropped. He grew incredibly quickly. He grew a lot of hair in previously hairless places. He became angry all the time. He behaved like a savage. He would sullenly lock himself in his room for prolonged periods of time. He became obsessed with finding a girlfriend...

Dude... That movie's got layers...

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