Post of a Good Hell

For some reason, as I was falling asleep last night, I began to wonder what my own personal hell would be like. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

It would be really windy, all the time, and super hot and humid. Everybody, including me, would be renamed Dakota (Sorry to anybody who likes that name, if any of those people can read, but it’s my hell, not yours). I would be forced to listen to muzak versions of really bad jazz while cashiering endlessly. I would have to wear a Hot Dog on a Stick uniform, and every customer would be buying really sharp objects like porcupines and bits of broken glass. There wouldn’t be a bar code on anything, and whenever the line got down to one person a hundred more people would come up at once and start yelling at me to speed up.

What would your hell be like?


[Update: One more thing that would happen is everyone would copy me. Just kidding, Jer.]

5 comments:

Kevin said...

Sounds a lot like the distribution center but with cooler uniforms and sharp objects

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm - oh, okay.
I would be doing endless amounts of arbitrary paperwork that would never be accurate or say what I really wanted it to say. I agree about people driving 10 miles below the speed limit, but with the added element that I would be in a small car and couldn't see around the people to what lay ahead. I would always be listening to the wrong music for my mood, and the suicidally perky girls from Bath and Body Works would be chronically following me around asking me if I needed help with anything?!? Just let me know!?!
Oh yeah... And I would never be able to finish grad school - there would always be one forgotton class hanging out there like a twisted academic carrot on a stick that I would have to finish....Just one more!! No, I promise this time...
~Lindsey

Brooke said...

Ska music would certainly be involved. And, I'd be forced to wear leggings, a short skirt, and stilleto heels. It would be sweltering hot (like hell really is), and I would have to sit through a time share presentation while getting dental work done. That sounds sufficiently hellish. Oh, wait, I'd also be made to read crappy teen books whose covers are hot pink and feature a lipstick tube and girls in skimpy outfits.

Jen said...

Joel, for some reason, since reading this post, I've thought long and hard about this.

I'm not yet sure what exactly my personal hell would entail but I know it would include being in some kind of enclosed place and being forced to listen to Ska music.

I'll be thinking some more...

Jen said...

Brooke, i had no idea you were going to put ska. That is so funny. This is why we're friends.