Better Oil Your Hamster Wheel

I’ve always known that I thought a little bit differently than other people did. One day in fifth grade, my teacher asked us all what animal ability we would want. One boy said he’d like to fly like a bird; a girl said she’d like to run fast like a cheetah. When it was my turn, I said, “I’d like to transmit parasitic disease like a mosquito.”

Okay, that didn’t really happen. But those who know me would probably think it sounds like something I’d say.

One creative outlet I have always enjoyed is Mad Libs. I tend to choose words that are very different from those other people come up with. I actually did one this morning. Just for fun, fill in these blanks before reading what I chose:

Plural Noun:

Noun:

Noun:

Noun:

Adjective:

Verb:

Adjective:

Person in Room:

Noun:

Part of Body:

Adjective:

Noun:

Adjective:

Adjective:

Adjective:

Adjective:

Noun:

Verb Ending in “ing”:

Adjective:

Plural Noun:

Now, here were my answers:

Plural Noun: tumors

Noun: slop bucket

Noun: shelf paper

Noun: piano bench

Adjective: unbearable

Verb: probe

Adjective: corpulent

Person in Room: me

Noun: dog food label

Part of Body: third cervical vertebra

Adjective: aromatic

Noun: bingo card

Adjective: oily

Adjective: weasel-brained

Adjective: unfinished

Adjective: goal-tending

Noun: giblet

Verb Ending in “ing”: melting

Adjective: shiny

Plural Noun: sock garters

Now, here’s the text (From “Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Libs”). And yes, I am too lazy to label the blanks.

The Oscars
Thank you ladies and _____. I’m so nervous. My _____ is beating a mile a/an_____. I never expected to win this _____ Oscar. I have so many people to _____. First and foremost, my _____ co-star—_____—who was always in my dressing _____, held my _____ when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a/an _____ pat on my _____ when I did well. I also want to thank my _____ director, my _____ producer, and of course, the _____ writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my _____ fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture _____ who were responsible for my _____ this _____ award. Bless your _____.


As I’m sure you can see, my strange responses don’t really end up being any funnier than anyone else’s. I’d like to know what words you chose, or what funny sentences you ended up with.

2 comments:

Turbo said...

Well, I decided to attempt it as well before reading your responses. Here it is:

Thank you ladies and cavemen. I’m so nervous. My cheese is beating a mile a gut. I never expected to win this squirming Oscar. I have so many people to thump. First and foremost, my flat co-star—Chewie—who was always in my dressing package, held my chin when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a scented pat on my pond when I did well. I also want to thank my horrific director, my sensual producer, and of course, the odoriferous writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my obese fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Dog Catcher who were responsible for my ogling this religiously preoccupied award. Bless your stumps.

Jeremiah said...

Thank you ladies and food. I’m so nervous. My swastika is beating a mile a siege. I never expected to win this ugly Oscar. I have so many people to hate. First and foremost, my lame co-star—Leon—who was always in my dressing salad, held my arm when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a hairy pat on my backside when I did well. I also want to thank my stupid director, my stupid producer, and of course, the boring writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my retarded fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Woman who were responsible for my balding this despondent award. Bless your cheeses.