You can tell a lot about a person by what they put on their pizza. Okay, you really can’t (except for people who use corn as a topping, which is an unforgivable sin). But I can tell you that pizza holds the key to world peace. Yes, you read that right (unless you thought it said “wormy peas,” in which case you should go lie down for a while). Allow me to ’splain.
It all boils down to the fact that 99.9% of pizza places use canned pineapple (even in
You’re probably wondering about those who don’t like pineapple to being with. Don’t worry. All they need to do is repent in sackcloth and ashes and embrace this holy food. Then we’ll all be too busy savoring the deliciousness to kill each other. Have you ever seen someone harm another living thing while taking a bite of ham and pineapple pizza? I rest my case.