The Best Things in Life Are Free

I like to think that those who know me would consider me reasonably witty. I enjoy trying to spontaneously think of clever comments. It is occasionally useful, however, to have a stockpile of standard comments, particularly insults. So I got to wondering what the best insult in the world would be.

There are two kinds of insults that particularly intrigue me. First, there is the over-the-head insult. This uses vocabulary or word structure in a way that is incomprehensible to the recipient. Here is an excellent example from "Calvin and Hobbes":

"Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity."


The second type is the insult so blatant that it can be utterly devastating. This can be as simple as saying, "You are an idiot," speaking slowly so it is even more insulting. Or, of course, you could also give a long involved explanation of their stupidity, which can be very therapeutic.

Let's see if any of you can come up with an award-winning, totally original insult. I'll work on one too. The winning comment will be immortalized in a post in a few days.


Jen said...

Ok, what about gestures? My sister and I made up one that was pretty effective.

You fake-pick your nose and then immediately direct that same finger, pointing harshly to the person you want to insult.

I don't really know what it means. "You're like a booger in my nose"? but ooohh... it was harsh.